Friday, October 4, 2019

Where do we go from here? (bye-bye Mac IT/admining)


I realize my last post had some unspoken implications in it, and meh, may as well make them spoken public facts.

TL;DR I am pretty much entirely done with being a Mac focused IT person. I… may be done with being in IT period.

I've been "funemployed" since mid August. I'm ok for a while. I can't really say much more than that.

I am looking for something new, but I don't really know where I want to go next with my career. Maybe technical writing and documentation? Maybe find a job doing support work where it's mostly email based?

Or somehow magically find a way to support myself with fiction and art?

I dunno. I do know I cannot take the stress of being a single point of failure that being a Mac Admin is. My body can't take it. My brain can't take it. As a gestalt whole I can't take it.

So… this won't ever be a Mac blog ever again. I won't ever be a professional Mac nerd again.

I wish I could say it was a good 14 years of getting paid to be in the Apple ecosystem, but… it wasn't.

I dealt with sexual harassment.

I dealt with bullying.

I heard "but you're young"/"you're early in your career" and various ways of folks saying "you're female and you aren't old so I won't take you seriously" in so many ways I could rip out the hair that I haven't shaved off.

So fuck it. I'm out. I love myself too much to keep working in a field where no one listened, where I wasn't welcome, and where I gave so much of myself that it was getting close to killing me.

Also, I am so unbelievably proud that I can say that I not only care about myself at this point, but that I love myself.

It's taken four years of intensive therapy, cutting off a bunch of toxic "friends" and my bio family,  so many doctor's appointments to sort out my health, and finding a found family to get to the place where, for the first time in my life, I can look in the mirror and feel positive about the person looking back at me — autoimmune disorder, bipolar diagnosis, trauma, and all.

I can't travel back in time and take back the 14 years I spent getting paid to do Apple and Mac stuff.

I can change my future. So I'm going to do that.

If you came here for Mac stuff I'm sorry — this blog, this site? It's going to just be mental health stuff and maybe some fiction going forward. Maybe some crappy poems. Maybe some posts collecting all of the Inktober art I've been doing.

I might post about weird ancient Mac stuff, like… I may finally get around to that blog post on SheepShaver. But modern Mac shit? Meh.

Be seeing you,

-V, the_nephilim

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